I’m Amber. This blog is my online platform to release what once were the imprisoned feelings of a feminist young black woman. This, for me, is a sense of safety all the while being what I like to call public vulnerability .This blogging community is like my go to. My journal. My not-so-private diary of what it is to be a conscious “colored” girl.
I grew up in Missouri, yes, one of the more racist midwestern states in the US. Growing up exposed to such blatant racism and segregation of communities, schools, social activities etc.. did not initially have the affect on my mindset that one would think. I allowed the oppressor to win during my adolescence. I questioned nothing and abided by the “rules”. I can’t tell you the amount of times I got followed out of a store and silently warned ,of what that store owner believed to be my actions through a rather evil glare or got outright confronted and screamed at for something I certainly did not do. I got pulled over, muiltple times, let go by some, but interrogated by most only to drive off angry but unspoken for.
When I graduated high school in 2011, I moved to Chicago, where I saw racism and segregation like never before. It wasn’t until my blackness literally became the butt of every joke or the topic of most conversations ,that I’d unwillingly taken part in, that I woke up. I stopped wearing weave, ditched the makeup and let go of applying chemicals to my hair in order to let my natural hair out to play. I woke up, slowly…but nonetheless…surely.
Upon graduating college, I saw how hard it was to get a secure job, to be taken seriously as a young black woman with a mind and a serious way to use it. I saw how present the wage gap was and how heavy in misogyny & patriarchy most of the men I’d meet were. I realized that I was a feminist.. I studied it, read about it and wrote about it, but left it all on the paper.
I began to watch the news and pay attention to social media….
First, it was Oscar Grant, then Trayvon Martin, then Mike Brown, then Sandra Bland, then…sigh..you get the point. So I realized I was important but society did not realize that. I began to write about this too, followed and supported the Black Lives Matter movement and sparked debate WHENEVER WHEREVER WITH WHOEVER I saw fit. I began to let my voice and opinion be heard. People around me began to know what I was about and I f—in loved that. I gripped it and held onto it.
I dated the wrong guys. Then I dated myself for a while. I fell into depression upon realization of this all. I sulked for a while and woke up one day and noticed that I’d gotten so sick of it and took control of my life and happiness.
I’m now working in a valued position with my company, happy when happy and basking in it, calling the best of people my friends, living independently, dating some OKAY people (sarcasm) and letting go of the bite on my tongue.
Now I’m here (bliss) I started this blog back in 2016 amidst figuring this all out. My state of mind here is so untamed and free and I want that to be felt. I want to be heard and inspired all while listening and inspiring.
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