*Ding, ding, ding* May I have everyone’s attention please?
The refreshing thing about blogging is that you have the floor from start to end, so technically, I didn’t have to command your attention there, but I still haven’t mastered the whole “eye catching” post intro thing just yet.
So now that I have you,
I want to start (again) by saying this letter goes out to my exes, but not THAT ex – and if you know me, you know who “that ex” is
Hell, everybody has one, but now I feel a rant coming on so…moving on.
Being in therapy and working through my past, present and future has really taught me a lot about myself.
A lot about who I am by myself
Who I am to friends
& Who I’ve been in relationships
I’ve learned and I am still learning
In light of figuring this out, I decided to write this note:
I should have warned you beforehand
Warned you that I can be a lot to handle….but then again, I don’t have to be.
I didn’t have to be, but I was
I was just going through a lot
Not with you
I was exhausted with the push and pull inside of myself, so I pushed and I pulled with you
It’s not you, it’s me.
Like really, it was REALLY me.
All of those times I cried “f*ck you, I hate you!” and turned around and begged for you not to leave, I was talking to myself
The part of me that I wasn’t secure with
The part of me that was under construction
Don’t take this sh*t and run with it though…
It takes two to tango, but I realize that only 1/2 of my 1 was willing to dance
If you’re cool, then I’m cool, then we’re cool.
^ Yea, that’s how I’m really looking right now, haha.
So to wrap this up,
Have I f*cked up in the past? Certainly.
Was it ALLL my fault? Nope.
Am I accepting responsibility for my difficult ways that probably didn’t make it any easier? Yes, and I feel SO good doing it.
Let me just put it to you this way…
I was watching the Def Comedy Jam 25 a few weeks ago (thank you Netflix)and during Katt Williams’ segment, they provided a few flash backs of his funniest moments, and while I was damn near on the floor laughing, he also caught me by surprise and made a damn good point with his standup about women and their choices in relationships.
Now, can he speak for all women? Nope.
Can I? Still nope.
But did he lay this one out in the simplest way possible? Yep.
This man basically said to us (and I’m censoring/summarizing):
“Ladies, stop complaining that your man ain’t sh*t and pick one that is…”
On to the next part of the work I have to do.