“I don’t wanna lose you”
Those deep ass, serious ass, meaningful ass words…
If you’ve ever been deeply invested in someone’s soul
I mean …their entire aura
This will make sense
I’ve you’ve ever felt that way toward anyone (romantic or not)
You’ve uttered those words
When do we realize that what we want is not always what we need?
I think I kinda realize that now
That what I want is not always what I need
What my soul needs
Thinking about a lot of things in retrospect got me writing. Why am I single? I get asked that and I rarely bother to answer, because I’ll need more than a few minutes of your time to explain. So…to all who wonder…here’s why I’m single and why I don’t plan on changing that:
1. I’m happy.
I mean like, real deal Holyfield, happy.
Like for once, my happiness is not dependent on the energy of anyone or anything else but me. A lot of me being in relationships was me looking for the “missing pieces” of happiness, not realizing that it starts with me. Now I have that and it’s made me more selective than before.
2. I know my worth.
I realize that the “list” I made in my head back in middle school of what I thought my perfect man would be (yes, I was putting these ideas together in my head in middle school) is a damn good list and I definitely was not following it.
Like, 12 year old me knew that I deserved it all, and now 24 year old me is playing catch up. I have to give myself what I wanted someone else to give me.
3.My energy is still in tact…
Ok..let me explain that a little. I’ve dated the wrong guys, I’ve dated the right guys…and yet, my energy was shaken up…constantly. I finally ended up alone…and I mean alone…like it was crazy that I was getting to know myself and realized I could shape my own energy and give everyone else there’s back. It doesn’t seem that anyone has broken the lines to get past that.
4. My love for myself is overpowering and immensely deep enough to protect me from the bullshit.
I love me more than anyone can top right now. I’m not closing the door to it happening, but it’s closed yet unlocked and still no one’s figured out how to open it.
5. I let go of the belief that as women, we’re here to work, fall in love, bear children and pick up slack for the rest of our lives.
There’s just simply more to me than that. This isn’t to put down all of the wonderful mothers, wives and head of household queens -because y’all hold the strength of the unknown…but if it happens for me, I want it to be because I couldn’t ignore what God has in store. Not because I didn’t want to be the not so virginal version of “The 40 Year Old Virgin”
6. It’s cheaper in the long run.
I mean sure, rent is high for 1. But dates for 1 are no more than a $4.99 commitment to a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a free view of the sunset on my rooftop.
Plus…I have yet to meet someone who can romantically, intellectually, physically or mentially challenge any of the above and change my mind.