Disappearing Act

Let’s be honest
Happiness is achievable
but not always within reach
and not always so natural
but nontheless like I said
achievable
Yup…I’m circling back on my good ol’friend depression again
That motherf***er crept up on me again this winter and is back with a vengeance

If you’ve gone through it…you know
It has it’s seasons
& I am realizing that winter is mine and probably is for a lot of people too

This time it’s deep though
It’s dark
If I could put a color to it, I’d say hmmm…a “somber gray”
It comes with a serving of fresh break up and a side of I just realized I never wanted to end up working 9-5 and I ended up working a 9-5…

I won’t lie
I felt like disappearing quite often
Not like…I’m going to run away…but like can I just not exist for a few days and come back refreshed and alright again??

So she asked me
*Remember “she” is my therapist – refer to a few blog posts back*
If I had given medication any thought
& in my head I’m like “wtf? hell no”
“Can’t I get a dog? Or make new friends? Maybe paint 10,000 more pictures this weekend? That’ll help right? Right??”
but what came out was…Actually I have and I think it’ll help (who said that???)

So-I’m feeling good today
I slept good..maybe TOO good last night
But I’m good…so we shall see where this goes & I’ll continue to ponder on medication until I realize it may be what I need (already realized that…but pondering seems to help distract from acceptance)

I never ask for comments , but PLEASE comment your experiences and thoughts below. I know many can relate

XoXo
-Ams

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