On Tap: Acceptance

Today marks a month since I decided to stop drinking
*Waits for gasps*
It was…
Too much to juggle
Life with all it’s beauty, twists & turns, stress, relationships, lessons, injustice, questions etc..
and all the while trying to perfect the balancing act of having a social life
A social life…
Heavily saturated by drinking
It was…
Just too much
It started to become normal to be inebriated
ALL
THE
TIME
It was…
Surprising though
To hear those, who I thought were close to me, shed their opinions on my decision to stop
Initially people would laugh, tell me that I’d made this decision before, or simply give me “the look” with a nice condescending”pssch, yeah OK” vibe
Not gonna lie
I did that to myself too
but no one but God and myself would ever know how much (case in point)
and after each hangover got more and more regular & each round of shots got easier to take & my high “tolerance” became a bragging point
I just flat out stopped
Now this time
It was different
My announcement (or lack thereof) weeded out the appreciative & support friends from the I’m just your drinkning buddy, nothing more nothing less, friends
They’d say to me
“Good!”
“I like it! I support you!”
“You aren’t missing anything anyway”
& I thought
Well damn, you’re right
If anything, I enjoyed a night I could rememeber in the morning way more than a foggy one that hurt the next day
and the next day…
and the next day…..
I have nothing against anyone who chooses to continue on in life and drink
I’m CLEARLY no saint
It just became un-enjoyable for me
See
Because
You can go out and have a few drinks and call it a night
I couldn’t
I always tested my limits for reasons beyond my depth
Deeper things that I swept under the rug and into the glass
No real reason at all when I think about it because it hardly solved anything any more than it caused more problems
I just stopped
Oh yeah,
Then there’s the suggestions from people who met me drunk, only ever saw me drunk & thought drunk me and sober me were the same person
They would tell me to “just control it”
Without even realizing
That by putting a stop to it for good
I am in COMPLETE control

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