Protect Your Mental

She told me the reality of it all
That we may not be happy ALL of the time
In fact
It’s normal to fluctuate
She told me it’s ok to be down, but to realize when to get up
She made my feelings have merit
She understood
Finally

“She” is my therapist
I started seeing a therapist after coming to terms with my depression
In and after college, I started shutting myself out from making any possible human connection that didn’t involve going to work or school
I was functional
Only not “normally” or like I used to be
I had a good one or two actual friends
Stopped going out unless it involved alcohol… Lots and lots of alcohol
I accepted shitty relationships for the sake of being wanted
Barely got out of bed on weekends
Quit my track team
….twice
& just sulked in what I believed to be a normal wave of sadness

That “wave” lasted for almost two years until I realized it was unhealthy
I was dull
lost
empty
depressed

I needed an out but I didn’t know how
People began to think I was stuck up
You know
because I was quiet.. but the truth is.. I forgot how to be myself so I just felt it was easier to be silent and go unnoticed

No one would miss me anyway, right?

Wrong.

Once I came to terms with speaking to someone
It all made sense
I began to feel alive again
Important
I felt like I wanted ME
I was pleasantly surprised
I feel that there’s such a stigma on therapy
Society places the “crazy label” on those who seek help through counseling

To anybody that needs to hear this.. I’m telling you
It’s such a liberating experience
Such an eye opener into yourself
You become in touch
Aware
Accepting
“okay”
Just to name a few

My main mistake was comparing my sadness
I felt I had no right to claim depression
I’d seen worse
I had also gone through worse than someone who has it that much easier
Depression has many different forms
Protect what’s yours

As soon as I began to open up to my loved ones about this I got such an outpour of love and support.
To my surprise so many of them had gone through the same thing. It’s such a relief to see that you are not alone in a feeling that can be so lonely and that’s what prompted me to share this

Protect your mental
Especially as a minority in today’s world
It’s SO important to grip and come to terms with your reality before accepting someone else’s

Realization is step one to happiness
Step two is up to you and the rest is unwritten

This was a tough post. It lacks depth in comparison to what really transpired.. but depression is even tougher.

I’m happy now, if you wondered. It’s a stairwell that I’m continuously climbing… It’s possible to get it all back.. I just… You just have to want it

Thanks to my best friend & her beautiful son for the photographic representation of what strength and hope truly looks like to me.

 

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